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Just Another Panic Monday for Shorts

  • Written by Syndicated Publisher 46 Comments46 Comments Comments
    January 4, 2011

    The market ran today like Ben Bernanke was giving out free money (which um, he kind of is, as long as you have already proven that you are untrustworthy and have bad judgment), or giving out free shares of Facebook (which at this rate will be valued higher than an original copy of Birds of America, a dozen Faberge eggs, or Jessica Hall’s vulva, when they go public) as investors rejoice in the new year as if the new year were 1997.  So we’ve now gone from “rally” to “FUCKING RALLY” because what goes up, doesn’t come down (except for some birds in Arkansas, an erection after seeing Kathy Griffin in a bikini, and well, everything fucking else in the world).

    But who cares because with a spree of relatively positive macro data, investors are willing to ignore that the unemployment rate is 10% (~18% including the discouraged, the beaten down, and the people who green lighted the Tron sequel), that the average stock ownership lasts just 22 seconds (or twice the time Money McBags would last with Kelly Brook), and that the dollar doesn’t buy what it used to anymore (except for dong, because one can currently buy a fuckload of dong for a dollar, which explains why Tom Cruise doesn’t work as much).  Investors are willing to throw money in to the market because their memories are shorter than the line for handshakes will be at Thomas Hoenig’s upcoming retirement party.  But great, really, with common sense now about as useful as Zsa Zsa Gabor’s leg (or her uterus), let the capitulation begin, just remember that capitulation isn’t just an anagram for “Anal pic I tout.”  If the market can get back to 1500 with 10% unemployment, then Money McBags says we need to lay a fuckload more people off because clearly there is some strange inverse correlation here.

    In macro news today, the ISM’s manufacturing index for December rose to 57, which was slightly better than the 56.9 guessed by witch doctors and was the 17th consecutive month the index rose.  Wow.  Money McBags hasn’t seen something rise that consistently since the market for MBS CDOs right before the meltdown or Jessica Alba’s popularity before she got married.   Leading the way were faster rates of new orders, though unfortunately those new orders weren’t for jobs as factory sector employment dropped to a nine month low.

    In other US macro news, construction spending rose .4%, up from a .7% gain in October, and better than the .2% gain guessed at by analysts, as stimulus spending seeks to make sure every state has at least one bridge to nowhere.  Federal spending rose 8.2% with the government investing in such things as schools, office buildings, and even water supply plants (and with $35B to spend, the government no doubt went all out and installed gold-plated pipes in to these facilities to make sure all showers will be golden).  Absent government spend, which is a bit like reading Dickens (or Money McBags) absent run-on sentences, judging Alan Greenspan absent his interest rate policy, or giving a critical assessment of the work of Janine Lindemulder absent Where the Boys Aren’t 10, private construction was up only .3% and local government spend was down .1%.  So as long as Uncle Barack and Aunt Timmy keep getting their spending on, everything should be ok (except for the dollar and the long-term economy, but those are just minor fucking details).

    Keep reading and be offended on the below link!

    via Just Another Panic Monday for Shorts, Will Tomorrow be Their Funday? | zero hedge.
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